Ocarina
by Shmellow
Summary: A mysterious ocarina given to Ninten by a man in Magicant proves to be... absolutely pointless. It's a good thing those folks down in Hyrule can use it correctly. Oneshot.


**Obligatory Author's Note: Yeah, I'd really rather not talk about all of the hours I spent trying to find a use for this moronic instrument. I'm pretty sure you don't even have to get it, but if you do, you can just give it to Mimmie (or was it Minnie…?) and let her enjoy it for the remainder of your game. Or, waste a spot in your inventory. Whatever. At least it was useful in _Ocarina of Time,_ I suppose. Also… I suppose this really isn't a crossover, as none of the characters physically interact with each other. Ah, well. **

Ninten, Ana, and Loid walked around the town of Reindeer, trying to avoid the residents who seemed almost desperate to share their colds. Looking for a cure to the sickness traveling around the area was particularly difficult when everyone in town wanted them to join them in the fun world of stuffy noses and bad coughs.

Suddenly, a woman ran up in front of the traveling party, failing to notice Ninten and crashing into him. "Aiee!" she screamed, as she jumped back. "Stay away, don't get me sick!"

As Loid helped a dazed Ninten off the ground, Ana tried to explain their situation to the distraught woman. "No, no," she assured the woman. "We're trying to find a CURE for this cold going around. We're not sick."

This calmed the woman down quite a bit. "Oh…" she said. "Sorry about that." She pulled a dirty paper bag out of a pocket of her jacket. To Ana's surprise, the bag seemed to be quivering slightly. "This is a flea bag. You want it, don't you, dear?"

"I…I…" Ana started, but the woman had already thrust the bag at Ana and taken off down the road .

Ana stared blankly at the bag of fleas and into her own bag. "I don't have any room for this," she told Ninten and Loid. "Do either of you have any room?"

Ninten looked inside his own bag, which was filled to the top with healing items and containers of asthma spray, as well as his trusty bat. Loid's bag had numerous bottle rockets and bombs; it was pretty obvious neither one could hold anything else.

"Well..." said Ninten. "I guess it's time for a trip to the department store."

-X-

As the group entered the department store, the first thing they noticed was a service and returns counter to their left.

They approached the table and the man behind the counter greeted them, obviously very bored. "Hello, welcome to the Reindeer department store," he said in a dreary monotone. "Do you have any returns to make?"

"Yeah," answered Ninten. He gestured to Loid, who emptied out his bag onto the counter.

"Um…" Loid said, thinking. "I think I'd like to return these bottle rockets, please. And also these bombs. Oh, and this flamethrower too."

Despite seeing a preteen boy carrying around flamethrowers and other potentially lethal explosives, the salesman kept his monotone. "Thank you," he said. "Anyone else? "

"Me too," said Ninten, who dumped his bag out on the counter. Atop the pile of various healing items Ninten held was a small, blue ocarina. Ana picked it up.

"What's this, Ninten?" she asked, curiously.

"It's some ocarina I found in Magicant," he said. "An odd guy gave it to me… of course, we're talking about Magicant here, so for all intents and purposes, a regular guy gave it to me. I can't play it at all, and it doesn't seem to be useful for anything besides whacking Hippies over the head with."

"Lemme try," said Ana, placing the ocarina to her lips.

The sound that followed was truly horrendous; a screechy, loud pitch that was quite possibly, in Ninten's opinion, capable of deafening the entire population of Reindeer. Even the bored salesman had sought refuge underneath the counter he stood at.

Looking around, Ana surveyed the damage that the ocarina had wrought. "Oh, come ON!" she said, slightly irritated. "I don't think wasn't THAT bad."

"I beg to differ," said Ninten, quietly. Ana shot him an annoyed look.

"I bet you can't play it," she said.

"Nope," said Ninten, with mock pride. "I tried it once, and let's just say, every resident of Magicant harbors a permanent grudge against the guy who gave it to me."

Ana glanced at Loid, who shook his head immediately.

"Fine," she said. "Then what the heck are you supposed to do with it if it's unplayable?"

"Well," Ninten began, "I don't think it helps me remember the melodies, and I sure as heck can't play them on it. I can't use it in battle, unless I try to use it as a blunt object to smack my enemies with. And even then…"

"So you're saying it's ENTIRELY POINTLESS," said Ana, with slight exasperation.

"Um. Yeah… But the man in Magicant said it was the ocarina of hope…"

"Then why have you been carrying it around all this time?" she asked, becoming a bit angry.

"Uh, Loid made me," Said Ninten, trying to search for an excuse that would prevent Ana from unleashing her wrath onto him.

"I did not!" Loid began to protest, but Ana shushed him.

"Well, whatever. If we're here, we can just sell it, right?" She turned to the returns and services man, who had returned to the upper half of the counter and resumed staring boredly into space. "Excuse me, sir," she said, in her sweetest voice. "We'd like to return this ocarina."

The salesman looked at the instrument. "We don't want it."

"Excuse me?" Ana asked, the previous sweetness in her voice all but dying.

"I said, we don't want it. We don't buy one-of-a-kind-items," he said, oblivious to the rage held be the teenage girl standing in front of him.

Ana tried to compose herself. "Thank. You." She said, her teeth clenched. She turned to Ninten.

"Magicant," she said.

"But—"

"ONYX HOOK!" she shouted. "NOW."

-X-

Ana strode ahead of Ninten and Loid, clutching the ocarina while she half-walked, half-bounced on the pink cloud of Magicant. She counted the houses until she reached the one Ninten had described to her earlier. Yanking open the door, she walked up to the man inside.

"Hey…" said the man. "You're a pretty nice lookin—"

Ana held the Ocarina up to his face. "THIS is what I think of your stupid ocarina!" she yelled. Grabbing the man by his shirt, she dragged him outside and threw the ocarina into the ground so hard, it made a hole in the clouds.

The man and Ana stared down at the abyss the ocarina fell into. "Is that… supposed to happen?" she asked the man.

"I don't think so," said the man, but they had no time to investigate the small gap made by the instrument, as new layers of clouds grew over the hole.

-X-X-X-

_Meanwhile, in the kingdom of Hyrule… _

Impa paced back and forth through the castle's garden. She and the young princess had witnessed the wicked gerudo man talking to the king many times—despite his honeyed words, he never did seem to have the good intentions he laid claim to.

She was startled by a sudden rustle in the bushes behind her. Spinning around, she shoved her fist into the bushes. Instead of finding a rogue guard, she felt something small and plastic-like. She pulled out the object and found it was a sparkly, blue ocarina. Impa looked at the instrument in shock, but her thoughts were again interrupted.

"I-Impa?" called Zelda, the young princess of Hyrule. "Impa, Ganondorf is talking to my father again. What do you think he's planning?"

Impa turned to face the girl. "I don't know…" she said, defeated.

"I'm… scared, Impa. That man is dark and evil. I can feel it…"

"Don't worry, your highness," said Impa comforting the small child. "Whatever happens, I will protect you and everyone else. I promise."

"H-How?" asked Zelda, trying not to cry.

"Oh… um…" said Impa, trying to stall. "With…" she looked at the ocarina she was clutching. "This!"

"What is it?" asked Zelda.

"This is, uh, the… Ocarina of Time. Yes, that's right."

"How will it help us?"

Well," started Impa, "A brave hero will come to save us soon. AND! Using this magical ocarina, he will, um, control the elements, and, uh, time! And defeat Ganondorf. And then everyone will be happy again."

"Really?" asked Zelda, hopefully. "Will there be a great hero to save us?"

"Yes, your highness. And it will…"

Zelda lept up. "Thank you Impa! Thank you so much! I know with this Ocarina, Hyrule will never fall! Ganondorf will be defeated, and the forces of good will be victorious." Zelda danced around the flowers in the garden, completely believing every word of Impa's story.

Impa sighed. "Well, little ocarina," she thought. "You have much resting on you now. You're only an instrument, but I'm sure… you will help us to win."


End file.
